....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
