If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
