All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
