Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
