She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
