The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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