Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I currently don't understand fingers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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