I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
