I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
