I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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