I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
