...so i touched it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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