im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
