I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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