I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
