if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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