Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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