I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
