I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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