Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
