HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
