you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
