I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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