I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
