4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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