I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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