dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
