Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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