so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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