i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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