I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
