hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
