Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.