did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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