all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina