Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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