One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future