we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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