My friends, they love my intelligence
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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