some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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