I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
