I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
