R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you win again, gameday.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
