last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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