Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
