I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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