Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
