The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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