Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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