You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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