Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
