I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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