Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize