Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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