I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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