lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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