i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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