The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
