Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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