Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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