my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
