So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
