I hope mine doesn't look like that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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