Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
