I cockslap morals
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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