yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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