Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
