Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
farters have to be the big spoon...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
