You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
