Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My balls are so social today.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
