is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
