he puts the penis in happiness.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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