My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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