I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize