I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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