Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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