It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
