I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
